Thursday, March 30, 2006

The Jew's Minor Misfortunes

The guy leading Hallel on Rosh Chodesh decides to do it full Carlebach style.

The guy davening behind you takes a really long time to say the Shmoneh Esrei.

Washing your hands in the winter in Ottawa on Shabbos (no warm water).

It's a hot, humid day, and you're in Flatbush.

It's winter in Israel, you're in a large room, the room is overheated so the windows have been opened at the behest of the people in the middle, and you're sitting next to the window.

It's winter in Israel, you're in a large room, the room is overheated, the people next to the windows refuse to open them so as not to freeze themselves, and you're sitting in the middle of the room.

You're walking down Me'a She'arim, and a bus comes.

It's a hot day in Israel, you've been running around doing stuff, you're really thirsty, and the only thing to drink is Jerusalem tap water.

It's a hot day in Israel, you've been running around doing stuff, you're really thirsty, and the only thing to drink is Petel.

Benching on Rosh Chodesh Teves on Shabbos.

Shabbos Mevarchim with a chazzan.

You don't have your own tallis, you have to wear one, and the one you're given is the type that's constantly slipping off your shoulders.

It's nearing the end of the 9 Days, and you're next to a guy who isn't meikel on showering.

You are reminded why you swore you'd never go to that minyan again.

Circumcision.

The Zionist's Minor Misfortunes: By mistake, you play "Hatikva" in a major key, so it comes out "I'm a Little Teapot."

The Anti-Zionist's Minor Misfortunes: By mistake, you play "I'm a Little Teapot" in a minor key, so it comes out "Hatikva."

The Jew's Major Misfortunes: Jukim.

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